27.9.15

Spinach

The best I could offer Veggie after the Apple crash was the John Steinbeck quote, "The best laid schemes o' Wackemall an' men / Gang aft agley." Okay, so that's not exactly the way Steinbeck wrote it but I had corporate sponsors who still own me until this day, remember?

I wanted Veggie to continue being a hero to the world as much as he did but like Steinbeck said, "even the best laid plans of mice, men and vegetables sometimes crash back to from whence they came." Okay, Okay, so Steinbeck didn't really say that either but by this point our publishers were writing much of the coverage. I was just around so they could blame it on someone if their writers made a mistake. Still, Veggie Head Stalker wasn't going to consider our almost deadly crash to be a failure. It was in his words, "Just a few old limbs trimmed from the bush, and as long as the roots stay healthy the bush will grow back." Well, that's what he said....

Spinach

Beware the dreaded spinach
for they're not like you or me.
You'll never fight a leaf alone
for they come in bunches, you see.
Watch out, they will attack you,
and to win, you'll never finish.
And when you're done, you'll turn to run.
Beware the dreaded spinach.

"Oh dear, the Vegetable Stalker is sure in a mess this time. A mess of greens that is. Bystanders are reporting that gangs of turnips and collards are pulling up roots and coming to reinforce the spinach too. This could be a really big problem for our hero if he can't eat his way out before it's too late. Do you think ol' Veggie knows you can boil 'em down until they're smaller, or will Ranch Dressing remain his means to an end? Imagine anyone not knowing you can boil spinach. Anybody got any vinegar? I'm getting hungry."



Things were really beginning to look bad for my friend, Veggie. People weren't saying he was a hero anymore and it was at a time when the world really needed a hero-- someone we could all believe in. Why kids were even beginning to say he was dumb as a stump. The sponsors were beginning to get concerned about their investments though no less intrusive even while some were threatening to end their relationships with both of us. It's like that in the corporate world. You're either their number one, best boy, or you're nobody at all. There's no room in Fascist Corporate America for number two. Veggie and I both knew we had to turn things around and fast, or everything was going to stop happening for us. That's when he decided to take on the squash. You can bet it wasn't going to be pretty.

The Great Squash Debacle

The mounds all laid before him.
Each hill, a threat did make,
but Veggie failed to realize
his steps were big mistakes,
for as he planned his battle
to kill squash in a horde,
he forgot about its allies,
a vining, viscous gourd.

He lead with his machete.
The squash were heard to scream,
but the gourds came from behind.
Was not a pretty scene.
They tied him in their tentacles
and slowly dragged him down,
and if I hadn't jumped right in
he might not have been found.

Was then his ire' was rankled.
"I'll kill them all!" he swore.
"I may have lost the battle,
but I'll soon win this war!"
So he went back with a vengeance.
A fire, he then started,
and so it was their battle lines
were swiftly drawn and parted.

"Woah! That was one rough battle. For a while there I thought ol' Veggie was a goner. Who would have thought the gourds would take up for the squash? This might mark a dreadful turn in vegetable warfare. What if entire plant families start to unite? Why there would be no stopping them. Thank goodness we've got the mighty Vegetable Stalker on our side, keeping America safe from.... Stay tuned for more coverage from the war front right here as the Adventurers of the Vegetable Stalker continue when The Vegetable Stalker Goes to Japan.

Hey Joe, somebody tell that stupid Rebel Poet he left out what we're supposed to be kept safe from."