2.10.15

Chapter IV, Layin' Low

Oh was Veggie's butt in the vegetable soup this time. He was so steamed I was afraid he was going to prune someone. That was the maddest I've ever seen my dear friend, Veggie, and probably the most hurt as well. The only good that came was the fact that he was so busy trying to elude health inspectors and stay out of jail that he didn't think about Ginger so much.

It turned out that one of the guys that worked for the cable network-- a seedy little creeper named Potter Plant-- was a founding member of P-E-T-S and had arranged the whole thing so that Veggie would take the crap for copyright infringement of a song on national television and failing to become a member of ASCAP, BMI or any of the lesser known musician and songwriters associations. Record companies often give ownership of songs to their performers as a means to entice them to record or go on stage. If the song is a hit they don't have to shell out nearly as many peas as they might had the performer actually written their own song and if the song is a flop then their big name stars don't end up with blemished reputations. Had Veggie given me access to the behind the scenes business dealings of the promoters I might have been able to have prevented this tragedy, but that was another lesson we both had to learn.. As usual, the hard way.

Now, besides having P-E-T-S biting at his ankles he also had the recording industry represented by the FBI, BMI, ASCAP, the musicans union, BATF (No one knew why Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms wanted in.) SESAC and the SBI of twenty-two states searching for him. Even the Canadian Royal Mounted Police were said to be saddling their moose in case we ran north.

Thanks to some planting of my own, Potter Plant-- the little creep that he is-- was eventually found out, convicted on felony racketeering charges and sentenced to hard labor. Like I said before, "Consider me no longer, a non combatant."

The trial also exposed the fact that P-E-T-S was no more than a scam like so many of those do gooder "rights groups" who collect large amounts of money from their members by targeting high profile people and corporations to slander and blackmail in the media as a means of making it look like they're doing something good for society as a whole. Never mind that the squash were genetically modified monsters bent on taking over the world, P-E-T-S are still barking up the wrong tree.

But things were still looking bad for my dear friend Veggie, and as we knew there was no way we could get a fair trial considering all the prejudice that existed against vegetables in the north, we decided we should run south, perhaps all the way across the border. After all, with the longer days and warmer temperatures Mexico offered it was a perfect environment for a Yankee vegetable and a Rebel poet.

The Vegetable Stalker On The Lam

Perhaps you've heard the story
how our hero was done it,
caught eating the cherries,
now doing five to ten.
But ol' Veggie can't be locked away.
You see that's not his fate,
an' late last night he busted out
to make his great escape.

And the hounds, they were a barking
as Veggie ran away.
The guards who drew a bead on him
are practicing today,
for their every shot, they were a miss.
Was more than the warden could stand
so they all shoot at targets
while Veggie's on the lam.

"That's right, the Vegetable Stalker is on the loose again. They say he's a killer folks. Fence in your gardens, truss up your trees, use any means you can. Maybe even bees. Where he's running we don't know, but you can bet he'll put on a show. The Vegetable Stalker stalks again. More news about the Vegetable Stalker at six and eleven."

Of course you and I know that never really happened. That was just the media trying to cash in on Veggie. All they care about is selling copy and attracting more viewers, and nothing attracts and sells better than scandal and escape criminals on the lam. Find out what really happened next time in Veggie Gets Juiced.