Veggie, Teen Idol?

Nashville loved us. The world loved us. 'Taders an' Beans went straight to the top of the charts. We even crossed over. Everybody was singing and eating 'taders and beans. The futures we had leveraged in the bean and potato markets had skyrocketed. Between album sales, air play royalties and the return on our investments we were overnight billionaires on paper. The Wall Street Journal called us the shrewdest investors the markets had ever before seen. Stock in our company soared to over one thousand times its original value and that was after fourteen stock splits in thirteen days. And then our promoters decided it was time to introduce us to a younger audience...

Veggie, Teen Idol?

Stage lights gleamed, bells did ring

as Veggie took the stage.

And so our hero has become

the new teen idol rage.

But when he took the microphone

and raised his voice to sing

the crowds all shouted, "Wackemall!"

and threw their onion rings.

But Veggie never gave up hope

he'd have another hit

so he sang louder than before.

Some won't get over it.

Then after all the crowds had flown

ol' Veggie starts to beam,

"It may be that I cannot sing

but I get free onion rings."

"Who would have ever thought such a rotten vegetable would ever end up in lights? And what ever made those kids think Veggie could sing? Did he know the microphone would be turned on? Well to be fair you'll just have to wait until the next performance of Veggie and the Stalkers. I hear they'll be serving French fries there."

Veggie and I never gave it much thought. Always before we thought they were hearing us singing. We didn't know the promoters had real singers in the back room. Anyway, some roadie didn't get the message and plugged the wrong microphones into the board and our music days were over. On the top one day, forgotten the next. I was still selling songs to every snot-nosed kid who called himself a singer and could come up with the half-mill I charged for each song. Besides, Veggie had even bigger plans, said we were going to soar to heights that no singer had ever before gone before. Me, I was just along for the ride...

Veggie Takes Off

Veggie loaded kerosene

and tons of fertilizer.

I thought perhaps to ask him why

but thought myself the wiser.

Sometimes there's things we cannot know

and best we don't find out.

And of these things that Veggie does,

I'm ignorant, no doubt.

He welded metal, molded glass,

worked from dawn to dusk.

Painted every single piece.

Don't want a speck of rust. 

His handiwork meticulous,

his calculations true.

I watched him work for months on end

not knowing what he'd do.

When finally, it was all done,

was then he said to me,

"Billy, we'll fly into space."

I only said, "We'll see."

He said, "There is a station there

with veggies grown in space.

Tonight we're going to fly up there

and get ourselves a taste."

I said to him, "Hey Veggie Head,

that's NASA's deal up there,

and they're not going to let us in."

He said, Dude, that ain't fair."

So now he sits and stares a lot,

a lookin' at the stars,

thinking if the ship he built

could take us on to Mars.

"The Vegetable Stalker in outer space, Man that's outta' sight! Do you think he could make it? He is a super hero you know. He might make it, right? Then again he is the Vegetable Stalker, not a rocket scientist. Do I think he could make it? Sorry, thinking's not my job, man. I'm just a lowly announcer. Y'all stay tuned for more great Adventures of the Vegetable Stalker as we continue with the War of the Roses."

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