The Vegetable Stalker Goes South

That's pretty much how it happened. Veggie's confidence level was so low, and people were always cutting him down, no wonder he felt like a stump. How was he supposed to ever get his roots dug into anything when he was constantly getting pruned? It was bad enough that P-E-T-S was wagging him all the time about what he was doing, but they were also accusing him of using herbicides in an attempt to commit genocide. They even went so far as to label him an Invasive Species citing the National Invasive Species Act (NISA) passed by Congress in 1990 but the judge pointed out that NISA was limited to Zebra mussels Eurasian ruffes, Mitten crabs, and a few other non-indigenous aquatic nuisance species.

When that didn't work they tried to claim that because Veggie didn't have a birth certificate that he was an illegal alien but his parent's long history of working and paying taxes in the USA made it obvious that Veggie Head Stalker had to have been first seeded in New Hampshire. That was the last battle Veggie Head Stalker would win for quite some time...

The Vegetable Stalker Goes South

The Vegetable Stalker went down South.
He thought he'd be a hit,
but something happened way down there--
he'll not get over it.
He thought all veggies are the same,
but these he'd never seen
an' now he's trying to get out
of a mess of collard greens!

"Will the Vegetable Stalker get out of this mess, or has Veggie's pot done boiled over? Does he even know he can boil those greens down? And just how big is a mess anyway? Stay tuned for the answers to some questions, but not necessarily these questions, as Veggie's adventures continue right here. Hey, Y'all got any salt?"

Well at least we managed to keep one sponsor. I felt really bad about that one. I just assumed Veggie knew all about collard greens. I guess if you're raised in the Southland like me then it's natural to assume everyone knows about collard greens. It was my idea that he go south in the first place. I never imagined Yankees not knowing about collards-- especially Yankee vegetables. But I was wrong in assuming and I'm apologizing to all of you reading Veggie's story just like the hundred or so times I apologized to Veggie.

Veggie never gave me a hard time over what happened to him. He said it was his fault for not doing enough research to know his opponent's strengths and weaknesses. We spent a lot of time at the library after that, and we spent a lot of time on the Internet as well. We got a lot of coverage on Twitter and it wasn't biased at all. They even gave us the hash tag #VegetableStalker . The same could not be said for the rest of the media and P-E-T-S were still hot on our trail with their spears at the ready...


A spearmint for you,
a spearmint for me,
a fear meant for any
who happen to see
the Vegetable Stalker
when he's on TV.

I'm sure he is ready
and sure he is brave,
but will he come back
or go to his grave?
A spearmint it seems,
might end his whole life
but if he is married...

Well you know, maybe it's easier to be a hero.

"Will the Vegetable Stalker manage to beat the spearmint, or will he find himself all gummed up? And could it really be true that Veggie has a wife somewhere? If so then why has he never introduced her to any of his friends? Could Veggie Head Stalker be married to a stink-weed? Stay tuned for more Adventures of the Vegetable Stalker when we come back with Pork 'n Beans! Do you really have anything better to do? Get a life!"