The Vegetable Stalker Goes To California

Of course, after that first adventure I had to ask myself if chasing some lunatic vegetable all over the far reaches of the earth was really what I wanted to do with my life, but as I was still unemployed, and I do like to travel, I decided to follow Veggie on at least one more adventure. After all, I thought, what could it possibly hurt?

Little did I know...

The Vegetable Stalker
Goes To California

Alas, the ripe tomato,
its fruit a blazing red;
cut it and its juice will bleed,
but let it grow instead.
Some say it is a vegetable
while others call it fruit,
but if you pick enough of them
you're sure to make some loot.

So the Vegetable Stalker made his way
out west to California,
but Y'all don't try to blame me now,
'cause you see I tried to warn ya'.
He went just north of Bakersfield
where they grow for miles and miles
to try and get them at their source.
He took with him a file.

Was when he got to Bakersfield,
he opened up his file,
pulled some papers out to see,
and stood there with a smile.
You see, it's not to slay them all,
why he traveled such a ways;
for he had drove a tanker truck
filled with mayonnaise.

Was then he picked the biggest one,
and sliced it really thick.
He said, "I'll make a sandwich, really big,
with slices thick as bricks."
But then the fear it came to him,
to fill his heart and head.
Seems he brought the mayonnaise,
but forgot to bring the bread.

"Anybody got any whole wheat bread? How about white bread or Jewish Rye? Is mayonnaise kosher? Will the tomatoes dry up, or will that tanker full of mayonnaise begin to spoil? What about lettuce, or bacon? Are there any pigs around, and what was in that file ol' Veggie Head carried with him?"

You know, Veggie never quite got over that experience. While he never talks about it, I can still tell it troubles him even after all these many years. I guess your first defeat is always the hardest, but then I'd never waged a war on vegetables before. Veggie went on to fight many more battles sometimes winning, and sometimes losing, but since that fateful day in California, 'ol Veggie has never been the same. Come to think of it, neither have I.


"Asparagus, asparagus,
I see you are a spear.
I'm told you're good to eat,
but I will not go near
a food that is a weapon;
seems just a bit unwise.
I might as well eat rhubarb
if I should choose to die."

"It seems that some vegetables are too much for even the mighty Vegetable Stalker. Has our hero been beaten? Scrambled? Is he chicken or just an egg, and will he return to stalk the vegetables once again? To find out stay tuned to The Adventurers of the Vegetable Stalker, same time, same channel when The Vegetable Stalker Looks At Retirement."