Chapter V, The Fall And Rise

Autumn was upon us. Our sponsors were getting edgy. "Don't just whack 'em, wackemall! Wackemall.com"

Okay, give it a break guys, that's two advertisements back to back. Our readers deserve better. As I was saying. Autumn was upon us. Our sponsors were getting edgy. I feared Veggie might start to turn, but little did I know that for Veggie the problem was even bigger. You see, Veggie wasn't some deciduous plant that would simply lose its leaves in the fall and grow new leaves come spring, and Veggie wasn't an evergreen either. Veggie was a hybrid erotic cross between northern hardwood and several tropical beauties. Er, I mean species. He had been created and raised in a greenhouse, thus his fear of tree surgeons and botanists.

While they had given Veggie the genes of the northern hardwoods, his DNA was predominantly from his mother's side, erotic tropicals. (Now I know you're thinking I mean exotic instead of erotic and exotic they may be, but Veggie insists erotic is correct so that's what I used.) Of course everyone knows that erotic tropicals can't winter outdoors in Canada, and much of the USA, and since all the greenhouses were being watched, we decided we had to head to the tropics...


Veggie steered a tanker ship
filled with chocolate sauce
headed for an island paradise;
the gentle seas did toss.
He knew that with this single deed
he was sure to be a hit.
The reason for his voyage,
a world-record banana split.

A million ripe bananas,
a whole boat load of cherries,
an' nuts to feed a thousand men;
he even brought blueberries,
but as the crowds all gathered
was then he starts to scream,
"You cannot make banana-splits
if you don't have ice-cream!"

"Oh the agony! I can see Veggie's confidence melting away even as we speak. What ever will he do with all that chocolate syrup? Can you imagine trying to make that much homemade ice-cream in the tropics? Who could possibly turn the handle on an ice-cream machine big enough to make enough ice-cream for a million ripe bananas? Anyone want a peanut butter and banana sandwich? Got any bread? Find out what Veggie does with all those juicy berries in the next adventure of the mighty Vegetable Stalker. What's that boss? Oh yeah, since this is family entertainment maybe we shouldn't be talking about those juicy berries."

Well at least we had gotten away for a while. Life was good in the tropics, clothing optional, and people loved us even if we did seem a bit strange to them. There were a few problems but most were minor. One such problem was because of the longer days, warmer weather and increased sunlight, Veggie required more pruning than ever before. If Veggie grew too big he wouldn't be able to move. And Veggie was really scared of hedge clippers. Considering the attempt on his life that had taken place a few months earlier, I can't say that I blame him.

There was also another problem: Veggie feared if he stayed in one place too long he might start to take roots. So it was decided we should sail on to the Fiji Islands...


Veggie slept beneath a tree,
his dreams, they filled his nap
when a coconut fell upon his head
an' landed in his lap.
Was then he gasped in agony
as he rolled upon his knees,
"Just like Sir Issac Newton
I've discovered gravity."

"But did it have to be so hard?"

"Wow! Nuts and all. Ol' Veggie dude must really be in major pain. Right in the pea patch. Are you okay, Veggie? "I'm fine," Veggie squeaks in a canary voice. Give Veggie some more time to get on his feet and catch his breath and we'll be back as the Adventurers of the Vegetable Stalker continue with The Ocean's Bounty."