Chapter X, When All Is Said And Done

It's been said right always champions over might, but who is to say who was right? Maybe the takeover of Earth by the hybrid invasive species was destined to happen. Maybe humans weren't the highest on the evolutionary ladder, or at the top of the food chain. Are you aware that crows have some of the smallest brains of all birds and yet are among the smarted of all birds? Maybe tiny pea brains can compute more than ours. I mean who's to say, right? Maybe THEY came here because of what mankind has done to the world, and no matter how long or hard we fought the end would still be the same? Veggie put it all into perspective for me when he said, "Well if that's true then I guess I came here so at least they'd have to work for it."

"Yeah," I laughed, "Maybe THEY will appreciate it more being THEY had to work for it.

You know in the end, that's all it really comes down to. Buy, buy, buy, insert intrusive advertisement here, there, everywhere. After all, if mankind hadn't of been so uncaring and careless in our greed, the world might not be in the shape it is today. Of course, if things hadn't happened the way they did then I'd have never written this story and I might still not know what to do with my life. For you see, if there is anything good about being at war it's the fact that you don't have to think about planning your future, you just have to worry about staying alive. I guess that's true for man or vegetable.

As in any war, there were those among us who insisted we shouldn't resist them, but instead try to resolve our differences. "We're not that different," Veggie agreed. "After all, all THEY want is to rule the world and enslave all of mankind long enough to starve all of you to death. I'm sure you can find some common ground. Yeah, right!"

Being that Veggie was actually a hybrid himself he understood full well that anything less than total annihilation of the human race was simply less than This Harvest Eats You considered acceptable. After all, it is the natural intention of every plant species in the world to reside on as much real estate as is possible.

So I guess when all is really said and done, time will be the only thing that remains. In the meantime Veggie and I had a war to fight and we weren't going to let no amount of philosophy stand in our way. Our foe was still bigger and stronger than we were, and there were many who still doubted us because of our past failures. But don't think either of us were going to back down for even a second. More scared of being branded cowards than dying, we had become the biggest nightmare THEY had ever imagined and we intended to keep it that way...

Barking P-E-T-S

One P-E-T had a hammer,
another had a gun.
Some were totin' baseball bats.
We knew it'd not be fun.
Some were wielding switchblades,
and one P-E-T had a stick,
but Veggie'd not back down
because his head's so thick.

They gathered all around us
with murder on their minds.
Veggie knew he'd not get out 
by being sweet and kind.
But just before they started,
he commanded, "No, you can't!
You see I'm not a man,
I'm Veggie, I'm a plant!"

"Are those P-E-T-S a bunch of morons or what? People for the Ethical Treatment of Squash, give me a break. First they claim their friends of the plants then they try to kill Veggie who's a plant himself. And then they let him go. What's up with that anyway? Could it be even though they're human they've got pea brained vegetable brains like the vegetables they work for? Maybe they've all had lobotomies, who knows? Well anyway, thanks for watching this latest Veggisode here on VTN news."

Wow! VTN managed to get all the way through a live broadcast without getting their signal jammed. That could only mean one thing but I'm not yet at liberty to tell you what it was. Maybe later, after I clear it with Veggie. If I clear it.

Those P-E-T-S really were a confused bunch of extremists if there's ever been one. They didn't even know if they were left wing wackos or right wing wackos. Why they were so far out neither side would claim them, the telephone lines didn't reach and they got the Wednesday night Grand Ol' Opry on Friday nights. I bet someone had to pump sunshine back into the holler where they lived and looking at how dim they were it doesn't look as if that someone worked very often. To say them 'ol boys is slow would make a slug laugh.

You know, maybe the VTN reporter was on to something there. Maybe the P-E-T-S had been subject to some sort of surgery or brainwashing to make them like they were. After all, most of the P-E-T-S are human just like you and me. Why would they want to help the plants take over the world? How would the plants get into the minds of the humans? Could it happen from eating too much genetically modified fruits and vegetables? Could it be that eating hybrids causes insanity? Veggie and I decided to find out...

Veggie, Double Knot Spy

We dressed in black by dark of night.
We both carried small flash lights.
We were on a mission, be there no doubt
we knew we had to carry out.
We watched the moon slip past a cloud
then slipped in trying not to be loud,
then past the guard, around the gate
not knowing what might be our fate.

We slipped inside. We were just two
knowing what we had to do;
go through the records, through the files,
and do it in a little while.
And there inside were things that grow,
experiments we've come to know.
A diabolical plan exists
inside these labs shrouded in mist.

Was there inside we found it out.
Our fears were true, be there no doubt.
Inside we learned what was their plan--
to steal the brains from every man.
It was their plan to make us dumb.
Then Veggie yelled, "It's time to run!
for we've been spotted, there's no doubt
and we'll be lucky to get back out!"

"Did anyone see them come out? They didn't come back through the gate. Could it be our heroes have been captured in the labs of a major corporation who's name I can't yet release but it rhymes with toe? Can you guess what the name of that corporation is? And why haven't THEY been jamming our signal lately? Could it be THEY no longer care, or has Veggie got someone on the inside? Stay tuned for continuing live updates right here on VTN the Veggie Television Network, your green channel network. Goodday. I always wanted to sign off like Paul Harvey, Goodday."

We didn't come out the way we went in. We planned it that way. We had gotten our hands on a set of blueprints of the building before we went in and learned there was a service duct that led from the labs to the garbage disposal system so we simply unscrewed the fuses to the disposal and went on through. I was surprised they still have those old fashoned screw in fuses in a modern place like that but then they are a bunch of vegetables. "No offense, Veggie."

"None taken, Dude. They're not the same species as me. Find out what happens next in Veggie For President."

Did Veggie just announce he was running for President?