Chemical Weapons

The Indians got the tractors just like Veggie had promised. After all, Veggie wasn't a white man so they didn't have to worry about him being an indian giver. When V H Stalker signed a treaty it was worth something. And the stuff Veggie packed in his peace pipe was the best the Indians had ever smoked.

 You should have seen their eyes light up and the smiles on their faces when Veggie and I led them to where THEY had been hiding all the tractors. The Eagles flew above as a  new fighting spirit filled the hearts of every Indian Brave from the southern most tip of South America to the North Pole. Veggie even told them they could keep the tractors after the war was over, drive them home, and use them to plant their fields with natural maize and the many other organic crops necessary to their survival. You should have heard them as thousands of young braves took up Veggie's battle cry in one loud joining of voices that could be heard far across the land, "Aieeeee, aieeeee, aieeeee!" It was music to my ears. Loud music, but music just the same...

Chemical Weapons

'Ol Veggie Head, he came to me.
He said, "Dude, this is great!
I've found these peppers grown in a can,
can't wait to get a taste."
I said to him, "Now Veggie, Dude,
perhaps you should just wait,"
but he lay gasping on the floor.
I guess I was too late.

He groaned, "What is this awful food?"
between his gasps for air,
and as the tears streamed down his face,
he said, "It just ain't fair
to put a food inside a spray
so strong a concentrate."
So now he's laying on the floor
and wondering of his fate. 

"Good grief! Will the mighty Vegetable Stalker recover from a self-induced mouth full of pepper spray? And why would anyone want to eat such a thing anyway? Do you think he'll ever be able to stalk again? Is the revolution lost? If he doesn't recover are there enough Veggisodes for the story to run in syndication? Find out the answers right here at..."

While Veggie might have been down, the VTN (Veggie Television Network) was still reporting live from the front. And as long as we still had a voice, we still had a revolution. Veggie didn't know it yet but he had discovered something that would change the course of the war. You see, it's a little known fact that while almost all the animals on the face of the planet hate spicy foods, birds just happen to love the taste of cayenne. As a matter of fact, cayenne, the active ingredient in pepper spray, is sometimes added to bird seed to repel other animals and attract birds. While recovering from his injuries Veggie learned all about cayenne and when he got better he made the world's largest batch of pepper spray.

Okay, I know what you experienced gardeners are thinking, pepper spray doesn't hurt plants-- even invasive species. And you're right, but then it's all in how you use it...

Fighting Soldiers From The Sky

Was out in Oklahoma
we found ourselves a plane
with big ol' tanks 'neith either wing,
and lots and lots of stains.

We filled the tanks with pepper spray.
We knew just what to do.
Then flew down south to dump it on
a field of hybrid kudzu.

We heard the kudzu start to scream
as it reached up towards the sky,
but then the birds began to come
and pecked out all its eyes.

They pecked, and pecked, and pecked, and pecked
until it was no more,
then the birds, they walked back home
so fat they'd fly no more.

"Have you ever seen the likes of this? Who would have ever thought Veggie would be able to recruit millions of birds to help him with his cause? Have you ever seen so many birds in one place? I didn't know Veggie knew Alfred Hitchcock.  This reporter is sure glad those birds are temporally grounded 'cause as full as they are we sure don't need them flying overhead, if you smell my drift. Besides, I just washed my car this..."

It was true, the Vegetable Stalker and his band of patriots around the world had the enemy on the run, but Veggie was quick to point out the war was far from over. There were still enemy agents deep inside the governments of every nation on Earth and we still had a bush in the White House. These hybrid invasive species still maintained control of all the world's militaries, Monsanto was still on the loose, and many people still didn't believe what was really going on.

Add to that the fact there were cells of hybrids scattered all over the world and you can begin to understand the scope of our problem. You see, This Harvest Eats You had spent over eighty years putting vegetables in positions of power all over the world, and if we didn't eradicate every single plant, stem, root, flower, petal, stamen, and seed then our children and grandchildren would repeat it all over again in Chapter X, When All Is Said And Done.