Veggie Goes To Wales

I'm not really a hero. Veggie knew that since being thrown from a horse when I was a child I was terrified of horses so he tied me in the saddle. I couldn't have fallen off if I'd wanted to. And believe me, the second old Jack the Mule started running I wanted off. Veggie told everyone I saved his life but it was Veggie's planning ahead that saved his life. Sure, I'd die for Veggie but that doesn't make me a real hero does it?

There was something going on Veggie wasn't telling me. I no longer believed he really wanted to taste every edible plant on Earth. It was something bigger.Besides, most of the fruits and vegetables we kept attacking could be bought in grocery stores without ever leaving home. Another thing, we had never gone after a nut or an herb. If Veggie planned to eat every edible plant in the world then why no nuts and herbs? Late one night there was a knock at our hotel door. "Who's there, Mate?" Veggie asked.

"Herb," a woman's voice answered. "Dude, come on out and talk."

The next thing I knew we were paddling a canoe...

Veggie Goes To Wales

Ol' Veggie, his head is a salad,
which makes all his thoughts, invalid.
He talks of old Wales, and eating cattails
that grow near the banks of Loch Malad.

"Has the mighty Vegetable Stalker really crossed the pond to Wales? Could it be he's on the high seas of the North Atlantic in Billy's canoe? Why that's more than daring, that's insane! Oh yeah, this is Veggie we're talking about-- of course he'd do something insane.

This just in: It seems the Vegetable Stalker is not in Wales after all. Billy's canoe has been found floating upside down in a stand of cattails growing in a pond located in a cow pasture near Boomer, North Carolina but neither Billy nor Veggie Head Stalker can be found. At this very minute police are preparing to dredge the pond to find their bodies. Stay tuned for more at eleven."

It was my canoe. We put it there to draw their attention for the few hours it would take us to get ahead of the reporters who were always following us. We were almost spotted at a car wash in North Wilkesboro, North Carolina where we washed the watercolors off the car and canoe we had used to disguise our vehicles. We were red when we drove in and blue when we drove out. That is, the car was read going in and blue coming out, Veggie was still green. We ended up going to Wales after all...

Cow Patties

Veggie stalked across a field
where cattle often graze
early 'fore the sun came up
to burn the morning haze.
Could it be he's finally changed his ways
and on beef he'll finally settle?
No, Veggie's searching all about
for tufts of stinging nettle.

And when he finally found a plant
growing nicely in a patty,
he reached to grab it with his hand
then screamed out, "Help me, Daddy!"
Then as his fingers start to throb
from the poison of the nettle,
his daddy says, "You idiot,
first you boil it in a kettle."

"Ouch! The mighty Vegetable Stalker didn't look so mighty that time. Let this be a lesson, you always wear gloves to pick stinging nettle and you can't eat it raw because it bites back. You have to boil it to death first. And to think, we all thought Veggie was going to go cow tipping or something. Another thing, why was Veggie trying to give us the slip, making us think he and Billy drowned in a pond in North Carolina when they were really in Wales? Are you beginning to wonder just what Veggie is up to? Find out as our story continues in Chapter VII, Politricks."