tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42771573676216487542024-03-13T19:28:59.139-04:00VegetableStalker.com-- The Adventurers Of The Vegetable StalkerA Very Novel Novel by Billy JonesBilly Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-25056759005877268692015-11-30T22:18:00.000-05:002015-11-08T21:27:07.371-05:00The Adventures Of The Vegetable StalkerWelcome to The Adventures of The Vegetable Stalker, a very novel novel by Billy Jones. To begin reading simply click on VegetableStalker.com or select from the table of contents below.
VegetableStalker.com is brought to you in part by Wackemall Mining, Manufacturing & Farming... Proud sponsors of the Vegetable Stalker.
Table of Contents
Preface
Chapter I
Chapter II
Chapter III
Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-81993444218790753122015-10-30T15:00:00.000-04:002015-10-30T14:07:43.124-04:00Epilogue, Endings Or Beginnings?Of course, everything you have read up until this point has been fiction.There was no Vegetable Stalker and everything you've read at VegetableStalker.com is my dreams, asleep and sometimes awake.
And my being owned by my sponsors...
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Well that was simply a sellout. No surprise, right?
But what if there had of been a Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-59802150776847516982015-10-30T14:05:00.004-04:002015-10-30T14:05:59.044-04:00Veggie's SurrenderIt had to be remembered there was still a war going on and before Veggie and I could attempt even a faux attempt to take the White House we had to finish the war
While it was true that People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals was almost a memory and This Harvest Eats You was suffering huge losses all over the world, THEY still had a bush in the White House and control of all the world's Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-39599528115114439732015-10-30T10:36:00.000-04:002015-10-30T14:07:07.912-04:00Veggie For PresidentVeggie's running for president? We'll get to that in a bit but first, as I promised I'll explain how the Veggie Television Network managed to stay on the air. You know, in the interest of full disclosure.
Veggie's dad, Fruity Stalker just happens to have a degree in video something or the other so we changed his name and got him hired on with the FCC (Federal Communications Commission) as the Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-6798932960127078212015-10-29T19:38:00.000-04:002015-10-30T10:37:28.759-04:00Chapter X, When All Is Said And DoneIt's been said right always champions over might, but who is to say who was right? Maybe the takeover of Earth by the hybrid invasive species was destined to happen. Maybe humans weren't the highest on the evolutionary ladder, or at the top of the food chain. Are you aware that crows have some of the smallest brains of all birds and yet are among the smarted of all birds? Maybe tiny pea brains Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-81062838422318193352015-10-29T15:11:00.000-04:002015-10-29T19:40:12.147-04:00Chemical WeaponsThe Indians got the tractors just like Veggie had promised. After all, Veggie wasn't a white man so they didn't have to worry about him being an indian giver. When V H Stalker signed a treaty it was worth something. And the stuff Veggie packed in his peace pipe was the best the Indians had ever smoked.
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You should Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-75581009091825320132015-10-28T18:59:00.000-04:002015-10-29T15:12:48.464-04:00Battle In The HeartlandSo Veggie had it figured out. Veggie now knew why US corporations were allowed to continue experiments that had gone so wrong all those years ago. Bush was one of them. It was like Soylent Green was happening all over again. Veggie told us about it as soon as we returned to our secret headquarters somewhere in the middle of nowhere. What? If I told you it wouldn't be a secret anymore...
<!-- Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-84787021410702137732015-10-27T20:03:00.001-04:002015-10-28T19:01:15.613-04:00Chapter IX, Not According To Plan
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This Harvest Eats You wanted the world to think it never happened. THEY wanted the world to think Veggie and I were dead. As long as Veggie and I were still alive there was hope the world might someday be returned to normal. THEY were in charge of the governments of the world, the United Nations, the WTO, WHO, the media Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-61228098813310482242015-10-26T12:37:00.000-04:002015-10-27T20:06:16.770-04:00Let's Salsa
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So This Harvest Eats You thought I might be the Vegetable Stalker in disguise. I guess a warrior really does have to die before another warrior is born.That would, in-fact, end up being to my advantage. You see, even though Veggie was dead he was still their biggest fear and if I could convince them I was indeed the Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-66985607107186490392015-10-25T18:22:00.000-04:002015-10-26T12:38:31.927-04:00ParsnipsIt was probably the news anchor's fault I didn't give up life altogether. I had already decided I couldn't go on without my friend, Veggie, but when that stupid fruit on TV started running his mouth he got me mad enough to take up Veggie's cause all on my own. Problem was, I didn't know exactly what Veggie's cause was. You see, while Veggie had confided many things to me there were still some Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-65682773721833746262015-10-23T17:14:00.000-04:002015-10-25T18:24:33.475-04:00The Vining Menace
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Of course sometimes even the most brilliant strategy can be overcome by a horde. We never saw them coming, and we never expected them to be able to live at high enough altitudes to reach out mountain top mansion, but that's exactly what happened next...
No, no way I'll not let you insert a commercial here. I'll cut off Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-46116308829273357832015-10-23T12:10:00.000-04:002015-10-23T17:15:42.367-04:00Chapter VIII, A Warrior Is Born
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There were strange things going on all over the world. The War on Terror wasn't working out the way it had been planned, and a lot of people were beginning to take notice. The problem was that our world leaders had refused to acknowledge anything was out of the ordinary. All they said was buy, buy, buy. Even the senator Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-16191254792746123942015-10-21T20:40:00.000-04:002015-10-23T12:13:40.306-04:00Yellow
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Veggie was quick to point out that the media had predicted cabbage would be our next encounter. There was little doubt in our minds the media was in on, if not behind the whole scheme. Another interesting lead was finding what appeared to be official P-E-T-S membership cards on three of the cabbages Veggie shredded when Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-64153682481127956862015-10-20T18:49:00.000-04:002015-10-21T20:45:22.066-04:00Veggies In The DarkVeggie said it had been a victory even though the media claimed it to be a disaster.Of course the camera crews got there just in time to film Veggie rolling down the hill so they really don't know how it happened. Veggie said he was so bloated rolling away was his only escape before the Lebanese Army got there. Understandably, the Lebanese government was none too happy with what we had done, and Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-79251477148436814912015-10-20T11:45:00.001-04:002015-10-20T18:50:44.165-04:00Chapter VII, Politricks
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Veggie Head Stalker was becoming increasingly more elusive. Not only was he trying to hide from the media, but he was hiding things from me as well. While I couldn't be sure of what was bothering him I could tell a bad seed had been planted. The media analysts all speculated Veggie was either up to something criminal, or Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-24688814792174657622015-10-19T23:21:00.001-04:002015-10-20T12:01:24.062-04:00Veggie Goes To WalesI'm not really a hero. Veggie knew that since being thrown from a horse when I was a child I was terrified of horses so he tied me in the saddle. I couldn't have fallen off if I'd wanted to. And believe me, the second old Jack the Mule started running I wanted off. Veggie told everyone I saved his life but it was Veggie's planning ahead that saved his life. Sure, I'd die for Veggie but that Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-70324797861665202692015-10-14T20:11:00.000-04:002015-10-19T23:22:59.575-04:00War Of The RosesWell maybe we didn't get to go up in space but Veggie did get the attention of NASA and the United States Armed Forces. And they weren't the only ones who were concerned. THEY spent a lot of time snooping around the house looking to see if the technology Veggie used had been stolen from the US Space Program but there was nothing THEY could find that would lead them to believe either Veggie or Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-76966194891743439652015-10-12T21:39:00.000-04:002015-10-14T20:14:45.326-04:00Veggie, Teen Idol?Nashville loved us. The world loved us. 'Taders an' Beans went straight to the top of the charts. We even crossed over. Everybody was singing and eating 'taders and beans. The futures we had leveraged in the bean and potato markets had skyrocketed. Between album sales, air play royalties and the return on our investments we were overnight billionaires on paper. The Wall Street Journal called us Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-76334856981159919522015-10-12T21:38:00.000-04:002015-10-12T21:45:59.256-04:00Chapter VI, The Hero Returns
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Life was good.Veggie Head Stalker had been crowned a hero and they were saying pretty good things about me as well. There was talk of movie contracts, book deals, television appearances and even the possibility of a Nobel Prize. And Veggie's deal was even bigger. Letterman, Leno, Okra, they all wanted us and everyone who Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-82544707283486783512015-10-12T18:44:00.001-04:002015-10-12T21:42:55.754-04:00Fruits And Nuts
Who could argue with logic like that? It was times like that Veggie's true genus shined through. He might have been a great vegetable but he was still a vegetable, sorta'. Still I couldn't help but wonder what was troubling him but before we find out you'll have to sit through yet another intrusive advertisement.
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Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-84423019551274959812015-10-10T15:46:00.000-04:002015-10-12T18:46:20.065-04:00Swiss Chard
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Over the course of the next few weeks we met with a rather strange mix-- a sort of tossed salad-- of fruits, vegetables and Herbs. That's Herbs the men, not herbs the plants. It seems there were about twenty or so different men named Herb that just happened to be sailing around the ocean late at night far from land. We Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-60635550702821764752015-10-09T19:42:00.000-04:002015-10-10T15:54:25.085-04:00Hong Kong Harbor VegetableStalker.com is brought to you in part by Wackemall Mining, Manufacturing & Farming... Proud sponsors of the Vegetable Stalker.
As we sailed north from Fiji, Veggie swore he would never go back there again. He said plants like those should never be allowed to carry weapons and cursed the NRA despite my efforts to explain to him that the NRA had never lobbied on behalf of Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-71007721417854697502015-10-07T16:28:00.000-04:002015-10-09T19:44:50.903-04:00The Ocean's BountyVeggie Head Stalker decided Fiji was not the place to be. "The shouldn't let those trees carry loaded guns," he complained. "Why they might kill someone. Did anyone ever check to see if that palm tree had a valid permit to carry that weapon? Don't they at least require palm trees to talk a gun safety course? Why I might have been killed. Does my voice still sound higher pitched to you?"
The Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-37793077918389223952015-10-06T19:26:00.000-04:002015-10-07T16:31:15.931-04:00Chapter V, The Fall And Rise
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Autumn was upon us. Our sponsors were getting edgy. "Don't just whack 'em, wackemall! Wackemall.com"
Okay, give it a break guys, that's two advertisements back to back. Our readers deserve better. As I was saying. Autumn was upon us. Our sponsors were getting edgy. I feared Veggie might start to turn, but little did I Billy Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4277157367621648754.post-3663214000110084352015-10-04T22:17:00.000-04:002015-10-07T15:53:41.324-04:00Still On The LamVeggie wasn't the only one with feelings, you know. Sometimes I feel too. Well, when a girl will let me feel that is. Sure, I know journalist, scribes and story tellers are supposed to remain unattached and we poets are to remain aloof while retaining our empathy but sometimes a man can't help but feel. Especially when she says yes. Yeah, I wrote love poems for Margarita, so what? You'd have doneBilly Joneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615912036741588743noreply@blogger.com